Here without you
by Errol's Feather
Summary: Hermione is alone on top of the Astonomy Tower thinking of Minerva. Based on the song by 3 Doors down.


_**Authors Note: **_Made to the lyrics of the song by 3 Doors down as that song is so dear to me, as is this couple. I got a help by picking them but it made perfect sense to me. I actually did cry a bit picturing Hermione in this one, or it could have been the song.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own Harry Potter and I do not make any money from it, all belongs to the wonderful J.K Rowling. The song belongs to 3 doors down, but story line is mine._**  
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><p><em><strong>Here Without You<strong>_

Hermione was standing alone on top of the Astronomy Tower, she always came there when she needed to think. Today was one of those days. She really had no reason to be there considering she had already left Hogwarts considering she had graduated, still it was something that draw her to that place.

One of the reasons to this was that Minerva McGonagall was still headmistress at the school and she and Hermione had always had this special connection. Even after she left the school they had managed to do that due to owl mail. Hermione had never told anyone how much she missed the old witch, not even Ronald; her boyfriend knew how much the brown-haired girl longed for the older woman.

"Oh Minerva," she let out, suddenly feeling half a decade older than what she really was. She was picturing Minerva's face before her, her stunning green eyes, how she loved those eyes that showed every emotion she had. How they used to sparkle when she was happy, how they seemed to be wet when she was sad, even if she had never shed a tear to Hermione's recollection, how she rolled them whenever she found something utterly stupid, how they seemed to be shooting lightning when she was angry and all the other emotions she cared to show the world.

Not that Minerva was the one to show emotion all that often as her face usually looked rather stern. That was how the young witch remembered her the first time she ever saw her, in fact she had felt rather intimidated, but not anymore….Not anymore.

She sighed as she sat down on the ground, feeling the cold stone underneath her, her hand against her knew as she leaned forward hiding in them.

She was thinking about Ronald Weasley, her now boyfriend and most likely he would end up her husband as well. She of course did love him, but not romantically as she had thought at first, it was all a lie, she knew that now. Still she couldn't stop herself from doing so as it felt so very safe. Easier than to tell Minerva how she really felt, letting the whole wizarding world know who she really was.

Again her face appeared in her thoughts, smiling this time, showing every little wrinkle she loved so much, making her seem less distant. The irony was that she could have easily walked to her office, she just didn't dare to. She wondered if it would be wise to tell her how she felt, what she would gain. She shook it off whispering, "Minerva."

She was there all alone, dreaming of her, not being able to get her of her mind. She had tried so many time without succeeding, suppressing her feelings when she was with Ron, but it was useless. She just couldn't seem to get the old witch out of her mind no matter how she tried. She wanted to be with her every second of every day, missed hearing her lecturing her even.

"Minerva," the word, her name escaped her lips again as she fell apart in tears. The longing was tearing her apart slowly and with so much pain.

She curled up more, trying to keep warm in the cold, dark night. Closing her eyes hard, dreaming about her, escaping her pain, finding safety in Minerva's arms as so many times before. In her dreams there would only be the two of them, in her dreams they were happy, in her dreams no one could ever bother her. A smile graced the face of the young Gryffindor as she was shutting the world out; happily dreaming about the woman she loved so dearly.

Hermione was looking over at Ronald, her husband now for a little over one year, they were expecting their first born in some months now. She was hoping that would take Minerva of her mind. She was living, but in vain. The last year people had greeted her and said goodbye a million time or so it felt. Inside her a life was growing, a life created by a man she didn't love only because she was not strong enough to end it.

She knew she would be unhappy as long as she was with him, hoping every day it would be better, hoping her heart would go in favor of him and not her. Sadly she was wrong. For every letter they were sending back and forth, for every little line her emotions seemed to go stronger. She was wondering for how long she could keep this up, live on a lie, pretend to be happy, when she on the inside was slowly dying.

She sighed as she smiled back at him as he was smiling at her, looking down at her growing belly hoping the birth of their child would make it easier, maybe that would be enough for her to love him the way he deserved to be loved, the way he loved her. She however was having her doubts and as a new day would turn into night, as he would wrap his arm around her as they went to bed, she knew she would find safety within her dreams.

She was walking around trying to rock Rose back to sleep. Shushing him to not wake up Ronald, tears of frustration running down her cheeks.

"Please, please, be quiet," she whispered, sitting down in the rocking chair in the nursery. Slowly she was rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, feeling she was getting calmer by the motions. Her eyelids fluttering, she was struggling to stay awake thinking about the last letter from Minerva, it had sounded so short, like something was wrong, like there was something she was holding back, like she was no longer happy for her, for them.

She was Rose's Godmother, she was there when she got baptized, she had smiled that day Hermione recalled. And her smiled…they were rare, oh how beautiful she had been, even more so than she remembered, waking Hermione's emotions again.

"Minerva," she whispered in her half sleep, making Rose look at her with wondering eyes, before he settled a little better closing his eyes as well.

"I miss you," she whispered into the quiet dark room, meaning every little word. Knowing all too well that her marrying Ron was a mistake, so was having his child. Still she couldn't leave him, not now that they had a son. Still all she wanted was to have Minerva's arms wrapped around her, whispering those three words she needed her to hear.

"I love you," she whispered, holding Rose thigh as she slowly drifted away, dreaming of her, picturing her, dreaming about how it would be to marry her, to have raised a family with her, not Ron. To be Mrs. McGonagall and not Mrs. Weasley.

Tonight, in her dreams, the dreams that no one could take away from her, it would only be the two of them, wrapped up in each other as so many times before. As a smile appeared on red lips, and she was sleeping peacefully, she found her peace with Minerva McGonagall.

She could run or fly a thousand miles, she could go anywhere in the world, still she could not escape her feelings. She could no longer deny them, that were why she had divorced her husband after ten years, the children lived mostly with her. Hugo was to start at Hogwarts the following fall, he was going to where they first meet, and it seemed like decades ago.

It was all said and done between her and Ronald; he knew why they couldn't go on. He knew Hermione loved Minerva more than anything or anyone, maybe he had always known. As the time was set on their relationship he wished her only well, hoping she would find what she was looking for, what she needed, what he couldn't give her. He felt like a fallen man at that point.

She had cried, for them, for the children, for herself, for not being able to stop loving here.

She was standing on top of the Astronomy Tower, looking out over the school grounds like she had done so many times before. The only difference was that this time Minerva was no longer living at the school; she had stopped being a headmistress the year before when Rose started attending the school.

Hermione didn't even know if she still lived there anymore or where she in fact did live as they owl mails between them had become fewer. All she knew was that she missed her more than words could explain.

"Minerva," she whispered, well aware the aging witch could hear her so it was pretty much pointless. Who was she even trying to fool?

A powerful witch like Minerva could never love someone like her. Tears were steaming down her cheeks as so many times before wishing it had been the two of them against the world. She wondered where she was and if she would ever see her again. Just once at least to tell her how she felt or if only to give her a hug.

Then she realized that most likely would never happen and that she should stop loving her, the thing was however that she couldn't. She simply couldn't do that, not after all these years, even if she hurt by it she knew she would never stop loving her.

As more tears were flowing and she was starting to shiver due to her cries she closed her eyes, to find comfort in her dreams.

Little did she know that Minerva McGonagall was watching her at that very moment, seeing her cry made her heart ache. She didn't know if she should walk over to her or not even if she should happen to feel the same, feelings suppressed for so long. Feelings that couldn't be subscribed as anything other than love and that had torn her apart more than ones. Feelings she wished she never had as she was taught they were wrong.

Feelings she knew she would be returned if she dared to walk over to the younger woman, still she stood there quiet as a mouse, suffering like she did, trying to decided what to do.

They were two women tied together by the same pain, the same feelings, to proud or maybe scared to take the first step. Inches apart seemed like so much more. Neither knew about the other being there and feeling the exact same thing, but only one of they would take the step to making the other's dreams become real.

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><p>Feedback always welcome and very much appreciated :o)<p> 


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